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Jul 2003 Children and Family Break-up |
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ECA recognises the difficulties that relationship break-up presents for families and that these difficulties are exacerbated if these are acrimonious. The juxtaposition of one or both parents' rights, including their rights for contact with their children, and the rights and best interests of children is complex and highly charged emotionally.
ECA also believes that positive relationships enhanced through sustained contact with both parents, and with extended family on both sides are very valuable to children and should be supported where possible.
In a situation of family break-up parents may need assistance in considering children's needs properly, as their perspective can be distorted by their own distress. In these cases children, especially very young children, must have an adult who can hear, understand and advocate for their rights and needs as they are the most vulnerable in this situation.
Divorce or family break up when children are young is a major risk factor unless the children's needs are put first.
There is evidence that the development of secure attachment is disrupted if infants and young children are separated from their major caregivers and that stress and significant separation impact negatively on the development of resilience. What this means is that children need to be with the people with whom they have sustained and strong relationships. Particularly in the first year or even two, contact with a parent who has not had this kind of contact with a baby should not be overnight unless the child obviously feels secure about this. The key determinant should be the effect on the child and responding to the child's cues.
In order to develop and maintain trust infants need to be in the care of someone who can provide continuity and provide predictable care. Infants and children need to be with carers who are trustworthy and reliable in their relationships with the children.
Professionals with expertise in understanding the ways that babies and very young children communicate needs and feelings should assist with the decision making process.
For children of school age children's needs, including their needs in regard to friendships and learning should be considered a priority. Separation of siblings should only be contemplated after an assessment of their needs and wishes. Again it should be related to the responses of the child to the particular situations.
Each situation is individual and it is not possible to cover them with a law such as equal rights for parents regardless of the situation and children's needs.
The younger the child the more damaging stress is to the developing brain.
ECA recommends that where relationship break-up involves children:
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Children's emotional and developmental needs should be given priority in any access or residence decision
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While recognising the existing court processes, ECA recommends that Judges and lawyers should have some training in and be supported by legislative frameworks that readily accommodate understanding children's emotional, developmental and attachment needs and responses to stress.
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ECA recommends that where possible children should be consulted about their feelings and issues, and these taken into account in determining the best situation for the children. It should be borne in mind that in some situations children will want to protect a vulnerable parent to their own detriment.
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Notwithstanding existing provisions, Independent expert guidance in understanding infant and child behavior and communication should be used in all cases where infants and very young children (under three) are involved.
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Each situation must be considered individually in the context of the points made above, and no blanket rule can be applied that may have a far reaching effect on the well being of children.
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Where there is continued dispute and disruption recourse to the court and independent expert advice concerning the different aspects involved should make the decision e.g. child's needs according to age, parents' and grandparents', extended family issues etc. Changes in children's and parents' situations over time and re-visiting the child's wishes and needs should inform the decision making process.
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 27 September 2005 )
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